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Heroes v. Villains

What makes a person a Hero and what makes them a Villain?

Well right now in the USA Casey Anthony, although acquitted,  is about the biggest Villain the public can focus on.  What makes her a Villain? Probably because the majority of the public believes she murdered her adorable daughter or at the very least let her daughter die and did nothing.  Her failure to report her missing, her lies and her partying prove it to many people.

The attorney in me honestly believes the jury made the right call because based on the law there was no evidence to convict. These poor jurors took their duty seriously and while the easy thing would be to convict and satisfy public opinion’s need for blood they took the harder path and voted based on proof. To me they are Heroes because they protected the integrity of our judicial system against public opinion, the media and probably their own families.   To the public they are Villains who must hide and avoid nasty hatred from people they don’t know because they chose to uphold a system that in order to be valid must work and if they voted on public opinion that would not be justice for that little girl.

Today I feel the Villains are the public and the media because while they covered the death of this poor little girl and her mother’s trial fervently – how many other children disappeared or were killed and no one shed a tear or blinked an eye because they were not white? To me the media outlets, public, and public agencies that find these children less worthy of concern, they are the true Villains.

If we stop and think all of the big media stories involving children are usually adorable white female children, sometimes white male children but only so rarely does any outcry over the harm, disappearance or death of a child of a non-white background occur. It is sad that our media feeds into this valuation over one small segment of children over all the others. It does not mean that this segment should become less important, more that crimes against any child should elicit the same outrage, fervor and public attention.

So my thought is — we are the Villains and we need to step up and hold ourselves accountable to be the Heroes for all children.

You may not agree with my opinions and thoughts here but no nasty comments please.


To DO Before 30

So I am turning 30 in a few weeks and I was thinking about my list  of things I wanted to do/accomplish prior to turning 30. I created the list in 2006 when I was 25.

What I have done is bold and what is carrying over to my pre-40 list is italic

  1.  Learn to surf
  2. Live in another country
  3. Learn another Language fluently
  4. Ride a horse (a big feat since I am afraid of them)
  5. Graduate Law School
  6.  Settle into a job/career path
  7. Lose all the weight (unfortunately I cannot bold this one)
  8. Date someone from another country
  9.  Go to Las Vegas
  10.  Learn to like seafood (do I get points for trying?)
  11.  Drive Cross Country
  12. Go to Paris
  13. Extra in a Movie
  14. Buy a house
  15. Spend the weekend in NYC
  16. Write a book
  17. White water rafting
  18. Do one thing out of revenge (a bit of a regret that this is bold)
  19. Visit New Orleans
  20. Take a job risk

So do you have a list? Anything I should add to mine?


How Does One Write a Book?

So I have all these experiences/people/events that are great inspiration for stories/books with the right setting, expansion and organization.  But what does it take to be able to actually write a fiction book? I assume a lot more than people would initially expect.

Do you take a creative writing class, read books on writing books, find a mentor or just start pounding away? My guess is it is a combination of all of the above.

I think to be a successful writer I need to learn a bit more discipline and structure to my writing and quite frankly to my thoughts.

Also should I start with my lighthearted chick lit ideas or my more serious, heartfelt ideas?

Suggestions or Comments?

Biggest Loser – now I get it.

So I have watched Biggest Loser since I believe season 6 or 7 and I always assumed people who were doing good didn’t want to go home because they did not want to lose out on the $250,000, I mean who would give that up. But I now realize there is another reason.

I started this 8 week fitness/nutrition program at the YMCA where we have teams and we train together with a trainer twice a week and have all these requirements to meet outside of training. It has really pushed me and helped me to get started in losing the 80+ lbs I’ve gained in the last few years.

I work so hard every week and the first 2.5 weeks I lost 10lbs. When I say work hard I mean harder than I ever have in my life. Class after class,night classes I would normally be too tired for,  writing down every single thing I eat.

I realize I am scared for the 8 weeks to end. I know myself,  without that accountability I am looking at sliding back into what’s easy, and old habits.

So now as I watch Biggest Loser I realize they’ve spend so many years with these horrible habits they are afraid to lose the accountability and slip back into the lifestyle that is easiest for them.

I am only halfway through this program and I am already searching for what I can find that will keep me accountable and keep me going on this positive path.  At the same time I can’t let this anxiety/fear take over because that is when I fail at things….I need to push through the rest of the program and find faith in myself that I won’t slide backwards and I will keep pushing forward.

This year I am not watching Biggest Loser and getting down on myself and eating junk food while the people on the show lose weight.

My Journey Back to Me Begins – Step One

So I was stuck in a rut for a long long time. Events that were public  and events so personal only a few know about occurred in my life and  I was brought low. During this time  I didn’t recognize myself any longer. The 80lb weight gain was only a small part although a very public part of what I was going through.

How I felt every day

When we face struggle and hardship we often come out stronger, and finally I feel I have started to gain my strength back.  For a long time though everything felt hopeless and I, who have always sought out life’s challenges and faced the things I feared, became withdrawn and introverted.

I felt like I had to take steps to regain my sense of self and return to the “ME” that I liked.  I believe I

am in the midst of step 3 right now.

Step 1: Quit the toxic job – “I can’t quit there are no jobs,” “I can’t quit our income will be cut in half,” ” I can’t quit it’s irresponsible” all the excuses for sticking out in a job where no one respected me despite my tireless work and my boss had told me “If you are here for two years no one will consider you a lawyer anymore.” I traveled at a moments notice, sometimes I had no projects to bill and constant reminders that I  not related to anyone (like 1/2 the company) so I’d be the first to go. Everyone was miserable and the culture was to bring down each other so we could all be miserable.

I would stare at women on subway or walking on the street in the financial district and wonder about them. They looked great, fit and confident. How do I get there? What job do they have?

I had been applying and applying for job after job and getting no where. Finally I said I can’t do this anymore so I prayed to get laid off…and it didn’t happen. So I got my Attorney Broker’s license and met with several companies and Quit my job to become a Realtor in the worst housing market in 30 years!

When I started I realized the people I was working with at my Real Estate Company were 100x nicer, more helpful and more understanding than what I had been living with. So much so that I almost cried with gratitude a few times for the simplest things such as having an agent offer to take me on a Market Analysis to observe the presentation.

Additionally, I started writing part time for the Reading and Wakefield Patch for some extra money and also it gave me a good opportunity to learn more about the community in which I lived.

Step 1 Outcome: It was like a weight of 10 tons off my shoulder, I was happier, less irritable (which made my husband happier ), and felt like I could breath again.

However the stress of the financial strain I had put on myself but more significantly my husband under by cutting our total income in half  has been a new issue to work through.

Thoughts: Sometimes I wonder if I will again feel the way I used to – that  I can do anything and be anything!


So I love Sundays – I love the gorgeous weather on Sunday or the rainy cloudy damp Sunday. Today I am half asleep on the sofa because my Bachelorette Party was last night.

I am excited about the marriage and excited about the honeymoon — the wedding I am excited about as well but it has caused me to reflect on things. I realize who my friends are and more importantly who they aren’t.

I am having a small wedding – most of my friends had huge elaborate affairs that cost people attending or in the bridal party a lot of time, money, stress. I attended them all participated in everything even days before the bar exam, to the detriment of my finances and work.  When I got married I made few demands but hoped that those friends would reciprocate for my fun events and be as happy for me as I was for them….many of them didn’t bother and had excuses why they couldn’t make my bachelorette or bridal shower some even my wedding. It made me feel so bad I lost my luster for the wedding and festivities. These are people I call friends, people I’ve been there for, helped, cared about and gone out of my way time and time again for and the fact that I mean so little to them in return makes me feel like a big sucker.

Now not all my friends are like this I have a few really amazing really great friends that light up my life and should be recognized at all times for their greatness…..I am just sad that as someone who cares about people so much whom she considers friends she realizes very few people actually care about her.

I think if I passed away (knock on wood) maybe of these “friends” I drove hours to visit when they needed a friend or dealt with bridezilla ways, boyfriend stealing, tears, favors etc probably would not even bother to show up…..It’s morbid I know but heartbreaking just the same.

“Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks”
Waqas Ahmad”

“A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument. A real friend knows that it’s not a friendship until after you’ve had a fight.”

“Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest… It’s about who came, and never left your side.”

Tribute to the 90s

So I noticed people have been blogging about how the style of the 80’s have returned…some love it and some hate it. I hate it….However there is light at the end of the tunnel ….the 90’s

Now I know many don’t like the style of the 90s but i remember My So Called Life, 90210  and friends styles with fondness. I remember watching Reality Bites, Clerks, Pump up the Volume, Kuffs and Clueless until the VHS tapes broke. I used to feel the angst Winona Rider felt in relation to Ethan Hawke. Listening to Nirvana, Candlebox, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Hole and Garbage…loving life.

The 90’s allowed me to take my post puberty body and hide under three sizes too big jeans or mens jeans, t-shirts and flannel shirts and black combat boots….and sometimes overalls!! Those days made me feel more equal with the skinny pretty girls than that of the 80’s style of tight skinny jeans, mini skirts and bright colors which made the skinny look skinny and the not skinny look, well, more than not skinny.

God I miss the 90’s

I say bring the 90s back…minus the ankle socks and shoes with floral dresses!!